I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
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Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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