Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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