and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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