you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize