I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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