oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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