you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize