i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize