can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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