you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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