I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize