I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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