Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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