i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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