there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize