Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize