that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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