I seem to have left my pride at pride
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she looked like the before picture.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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