Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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