i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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