i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I believe in your delicious
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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