this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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