So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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