i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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