just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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