i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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