Come see our sink grown plant.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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