Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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