five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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