All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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