And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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