fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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