can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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