Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize