So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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