OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize