just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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