Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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