if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize