she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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