...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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