DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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