we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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