this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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