I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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