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I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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