After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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