It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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