she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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