his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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